if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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