Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize