so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
