I just cut my nipple shaving
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
