Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
When are your genitals available?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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