dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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