I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I got inside last night via doggy door
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
