im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You took a bar mat shot.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
