i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
