I think im going to throw up on grandma
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
