Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
