so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I FOUND THE LEGS
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
