take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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