Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
