I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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