Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
