I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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