I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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