I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
