No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
