The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
not ubering you a puppy
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
