My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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