STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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