if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
