i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
