OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
