My sheets look like a crime scene.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Send help, water and tortillas.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
