I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
