I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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