I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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