kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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