are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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