i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
