I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
