the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
