glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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