omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize