those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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