The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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