I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
