I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
