I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
