He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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