Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
