I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
