Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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