You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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