i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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