I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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