It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
