Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
