I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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