im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
