Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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