Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
