You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
