I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize