Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
