Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
