Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I wish I only lived at night.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
