Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
