I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
