Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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