yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
