i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
