im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Shame - the story of my life.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize