I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
