I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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