I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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