Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I got chris browned last night
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
