his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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