happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
it was like eating out sand paper
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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