He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
