I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
