Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
